Advent

  A month-long celebration in remembrance of One who chose to humble himself and come down from heaven, to wear a diaper. To learn how to walk and talk. To obey earthly, human parents. To be ridiculed, mocked, and lied about. He came down from heaven to be abused. Betrayed. Beaten. He came down from heaven, to live on earth, and die nailed naked to a cross for all to see. To be mourned and mocked for hours on end. And then, as if that wasn't bad enough, to have an excruciating separation of relationship with his father. The father who was before so intimately connected with him that he told him everyone before it happened. The father who was so proud of him, that he shouted his affections from the heavens in front of a crowd. This dad now saw his son as a disgusting, dirty pervert. He was detestable to him. He was a liar to him. A cheat. A rapist. An addict. To his dad, he was now a selfish, foolish drunk. Oh, the shame you must have felt on that cross! Oh, the horror of the realization that you were no longer daddy's favorite. He could not even stand to look at you, let alone be in the same room as you. He turned his back on you, for you had now represented all of the sin in the world... including the secret sins that no one ever talks about. And you chose this. From day one, you knew exactly what you were getting into, and you willingly walked into it.

FOR ME.

  The angels anticipated this moment so much that they gathered together to appear on earth to a field of shepherds. They shouted and sang and filled the sky with angelic glory. How could they hold it in? Jesus had come to earth! 

  This month, we exchange gifts in remembrance of the best Gift we ever got that glorious night.  

What's Your Worth?

Your worth is not in what you wear.

Your worth is not in how skinny you are.

Your worth is not in how much money you have.

Your worth is not in what kind of degree you have.

Your worth is not in what kind of job you have, or what your title is.
 
Your worth is not in what you can do with your body.

Your worth is not in a relationship.

Your worth is not in whether or not your boyfriend calls you beautiful.

Your worth is not in whether or not your father calls you a disappointment.

You are precious. 

You are loved.

You are valued.


  I was watching the Dr. Phil show (cue the "ughs" and "sighs"), and he was talking to a woman who used to be a model, and is now addicted to meth. She had gone from stunningly beautiful and charming to looking like she had aged 20 years, beat up, and broken down. She asked him why he was helping her, and his response made my heart sink. He told her that he was helping her because HE loved his job!! I wanted to grab her through the television and say, "Because you are worth it!!!" As humans, we have dignity, value, and worth - NOT because of what we have done or who we've become. Not because we have reached a certain status or position. Not because we were affirmed by parents growing up, telling us that we were smart, useful, and helpful. Not because our body fits the perfect image of the media's standard of "beautiful." Not because of how many hours we spend volunteering, or how much money we give to charities. We have dignity, value, and worth because JESUS entered into human history to die on the cross to remove our sin. For that reason, we are adopted as children of the Most High God! We have dignity, value, and worth because Jesus took away our shame, and replaced it with something we could never accomplish on our own - perfection. Through Jesus, we are perfect in the eyes of God. No man's thoughts, words, or deeds can change that.  

LOVE.

  Some find love in a feeling. Some find love in a person. Some find love in an act. What is love, exactly? Is it relative, or can it be defined?

   "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."  -1 John 4:9-11

  Love in its purest form: that God would send His only Son to be punished for the sins of the world. So that for everyone who believes in Jesus, is no longer condemned, but is adopted into the family of God, receives the Holy Spirit, partakes in His blessings, and will ultimately spend eternity with Him in paradise.


  So then, what do we do with this love? Do we accept this free gift of grace, only to live as we please? John continues:

  "This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome." (1 John 5:3)

  God's commands are a joy to keep! It is an honor to serve Him. It is a blessing to join in the work that God is doing. We don't "have" to keep his commands: WE GET TO! Because of the freedom that Christ gives us through the cross, we are free and able to love, to serve, to obey, to sacrifice our flesh, all for the glory of God!

  The people of Israel constantly rebelled against God. Pharaoh from Exodus hardened his heart against God. King David committed adultery and murder. The apostle Paul persecuted Christians. The prophet Jonah refused to obey God and proclaim His word to a sinful city. Moses feared man more than God. Abraham distrusted God's plan and slept with a maidservant to carry out his family line, despite God's promise. 

  What was God's response towards all of these people? Patience. Graciousness. In all of these, He shows His great love. How dare we say that God is not a loving God? He pursues us even in our rebellion and hatred of Him, and gives us multiple opportunities to turn to Him and obey. Jesus hung on the cross, and amidst the physical, emotional, and spiritual pain, spoke forgiveness over his enemies! Those who were killing him, jeering at him, mocking him. He had such love for them, that he suffered greatly so that they would have a chance to live, and not be in eternal separation from God.

  "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were sinners, Christ died for us..."  -Romans 5:8

  Paul goes on to say that we were enemies of God, yet through Jesus' death, He reconciled us to Himself, giving us the chance for eternal life!

  Throughout the Psalms, God continually shows compassion, love, and justice for those who are suffering, helpless, and in desperate need. Our hearts should break for those in suffering, darkness, and captivity. It should be our ultimate goal to point them to Jesus, whether in word or deed. If we really understood the gospel, and fully grasped what God has done for us, we would be compelled to demonstrate this love, and share the good news: that Jesus paid for our sin, that we have direct access to God  

  Who are we to say "this is love," if it does not reflect the character of God? God being the epitome of love, we define love by everything that God is: just, holy, compassionate, kind, forgiving. God also corrects, rebukes, and disciplines. He does everything out of LOVE. He IS love.



love like Jesus. love fearlessly. love relentlessly. love unconditionally. 

Prayer For Our Nation

  Daniel 9:1-19 is Daniel's prayer for his people. This should be our prayer for our nation. Daniel says "we," not "they." He takes responsibility for the people. He acknowledges sin and asks God for mercy. My heart was stirred to make this prayer my own.

  Jesus, we as a nation have rebelled against you! We have created laws that allow babies to be murdered, for prayer, Bibles, and Bible studies to be taken out of schools, for gay marriage to be celebrated. We have perpetuated the exploitation and the abuse of women and children. We have strayed far from the heart of our founding fathers. You are not a concern or a second thought in our minds, but we are wise in our own eyes. We arrogantly think we should be served like gods, and we build our life around comfort. We are foolish in our wisdom. We strive for wealth and fame so that we can be recognized and acknowledged for our own benefit. We have twisted the truth to fit our own selfish wants. We do not humbly lower ourselves for your glory, but we desire for glory and recognition. We are thirsty for our own selfish desires, but we have no desire for Your word. We mock those who strive for holiness and integrity. Father, forgive us! Let the gospel be more compelling than sin!

  Daniel says in verse 18, "We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy." Daniel then asks the Lord to listen, forgive, hear, and act. In verse 23, we see that Gd hears and acts even before we finish praying!

  Let your heart break for the sin of our nation. Rejoice in the goodness of God, and the finished work of the cross. Be urgent to spread the good news of the gospel!

Privileged

  I've been working with women involved in prostitution for over a year now. We go out into the streets where the girls are working and offer them gift bags filled with makeup and hygienic items. Some of them know us. Some of them stay and talk to us for awhile. Some of them we meet with outside of the streets. Some of them have left "the life." Some of them go back. Some of them we have prayed with. Some of them we have hugged. Some of them we have fed. Some of them we have given rides home to. Some of them have come to church with us. Some of them have regularly attended community group with us. Some of them we haven't heard from in months.


  With every relationship I have built, every girl I have spoken with, prayed for, texted with, met with, I feel absolutely beyond privileged to be given a chance to show God's love in a real and tangible way. To be Jesus' hands and feet is both humbling and joyous. Even speaking with one of the girls today, I was suddenly overwhelmed by the stunning fact that she chose to be in relationship with me. She didn't have to give me her phone number. She didn't have to agree to meet with me. She doesn't have to stop and talk to me while she's working. I have the incredible opportunity to love this girl, with no hidden agendas, ulterior motives, or other intentions than show her how much she is loved, valued, and worth. I know that these girls are no different from me. I have nothing else to offer them but the truth that Jesus loves them, died for them, invites them, and offers them a new life. And I will continue to strive to do that well for as long as I possibly can.

Should Prostitution Be Legal?

  I was reading an article lately regarding prostitution, and the majority of the comments below were of the mindset that it's: two "consenting" adults, so what's the harm? That legalizing prostitution would provide "protection" for sex workers, and would promote women's health, etc., etc. All of which are extremely ignorant, and flat out false statements.

  Now these are just my thoughts, based on the research I've done, the stories I've heard from women who have experience in the sex industry, who have come out of it, and men who have solicited sex...

  Advocates for legalizing prostitution argue that prostitution is a "victimless crime." I know first-hand that it's not! The history of sexual abuse at a young age is rampant among women and men who work in the sex industry. It is in no way two "consenting" adults. It is one adult who most likely has experienced unspeakable abuse and trauma that has groomed them for this kind of work. And another adult who think it's okay to use someone else's body for their instant gratification, as long as they throw some money at it. Not to mention the violence and abuse they face while working. As we recognized in the Green River Killer, these women are viewed as valueless, disposable, worthless. You can do what you want with them for your own benefit and pleasure, and then you can throw them away. 

  Legalizing prostitution would only increase sex trafficking, which is modern-day slavery, which is exploitation. There's a reason we criminalized slavery long ago. It is a violation of human right to be able to purchase someone else's body to do with it what you want.

  Legalizing prostitution sends a message that it's okay to cheat on your wife, use a person's body for your own personal satisfaction, and as long as you "purchase" a person, you are free to make them do what you want.

  Legalizing prostitution would actually spread disease. That one's not too hard to figure out.

  Legalizing prostitution sends a message that a woman's value and worth are only in what she can do with her body. What message would we be sending our children? We would be teaching our young men that they can demand sexual favors as long as they front some cash, while encouraging our young women that they can devalue themselves by using their bodies for sex (because isn't that the only thing it's good for anyway?) And who knows what the ripple effects would be for the next generation. Increase in promiscuity, sexually transmitted diseases, violence... 

  Aside from the moral values I hold against legalizing prostitution - like sex being an intimate act which should only be between two people, not multiple men in the same night, or with one random stranger and then your wife later that night - no loving father would ever say of his daughter that he wouldn't mind if she chose prostitution as a profession. And no woman who knows her true value and worth, would ever think of prostitution as a viable option.

  I came across an interesting site about the pro's and con's of legalizing prostitution. A handful of the quotes from either side are from women formerly involved in prostitution. To me, it seems the "pro" side made weak arguments. What do you think?

  I would love to talk with anyone who would argue that prostitution should be legal. I personally know quite a few women who are in, or have come out of the sex industry, who would argue quite differently, and more convincingly, for that matter.

A Love For The Broken

  I remember my first night on outreach. We didn't see any girls out working. But what we did see affected me even more than the typical "pimp / girl" scene that I was expecting.

There were so. many. men.

  I think there must have been dozens within a 2-hour span. Driving by, slowing down, peering out their car window, sometimes even motioning for us. Almost all of them multiple times. I came home that night fighting the temptation to hate them. Then fighting fear that this work would make me bitter towards all men. Prayer seemed like the most appropriate thing to do right then, so that's what I did. I prayed for my heart, and I prayed for them. I still pray for them when we're out on the streets, and we watch them slow down next to us, sometimes even park and wait to see if we'll approach (obviously we don't!). And sometimes they'll even approach us. (Stupid on their part, in my opinion). I fully believe in justice, and I will stand and fight for laws that will continue to protect the girls and criminalize the men. I also personally know men who have themselves bought sex, visited a strip club, watched porn, or have in some way contributed to the sex industry, who are now living fully redeemed lives through the grace of God and the blood of Jesus. While sometimes, I still fight feelings of hatred and disgust towards the men, I am also reminded of the time where I was once lost, rebellious, and sinful (uhh, and still am!) and Jesus took my pitiful, broken life and turned it into something beautiful. While we are certainly not out on the streets for the men, I know that it is possible for God to reach down and grab them from the muck and mire they're in, and save them from themselves. The men are trapped in another form of slavery, and God is continuing to soften my heart towards them. They are broken too, as I once was. As we all were until Jesus found us, rescued us, and freed us. His heart breaks for them as it does for the girls. And YES, He gets angry at injustice, and He WILL punish and avenge for the sins committed against the innocent. But His heart is ultimately for them to worship God, and our job is to love - which sometimes just means pray. Hate the sin. Love the broken. 

John 4:10 - "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

v. 19 - "We love because he first loved us." 

Hope & Peace.

  This work is so hard, yet it is rewarding. To be able to build relationships with the girls on the street is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. The emotional ups and downs of relationship... the patient building of trust, and discernment that it takes to speak into their lives. I am continually finding my hope in Jesus, because if I try to do this work on my own, I am screwed.I find peace in Him, knowing that even if I do mess up, there is grace, and ultimately, He is in control. My only hope is that by His grace, I will continue to be faithful, and discerning, and through His work in me, there will be fruit. I am relentless in praying for salvation and freedom for these girls, and have the faith that it will be accomplished. I've witnessed it myself! I've seen girls come into relationship with Jesus, leave the life, be enveloped by the family of God. That alone is worth all of the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual attack that this work brings. I long for my eternal home, where there will be no pain, suffering, or death... but until then, I will continue to "fight the good fight," having hope and peace in Jesus.

Called To Intercede

  Is there ever a time when someone comes to your mind who you haven't thought of in awhile, and you're not sure why you are thinking of them then? I kind of wonder if that isn't the Holy Spirit prompting us to pray for that particular person, at that particular time.

  Working with girls on the streets has caused me to rely on God in a different way than I've had to before. In a way that I imagine Moses' mother must have had to trust that God had a plan for her son, and she trusted Him enough to let her infant take a ride down a river in hopes that he would be safe. She ultimately entrusted him to God, not knowing what would happen to her baby. 

  There are certain areas of certain streets that will trigger a memory of a girl we've seen/talked to/prayed for, and whenever I pass those places, I pray for those girls, entrusting them to Jesus, taking comfort in the fact that He is pursuing them when I can't, He loves them more than I ever could, and He is the only one who can ultimately rescue them. I am grateful for knowing those girls exist because I know I am called to intercede for them.

Choices

  To preface this post: this was hard to write. 

  Working on the streets with those involved in prostitution, I can't help but be grieved by the decisions some of them make. I struggle with the tension we are compelled by - knowing the "choices" they are making, yet recognizing the darkness they are trapped in.

  There are so, so many complexities that contribute to how one ends up in prostitution*. Abuse and neglect (usually at a very young age) are just some of the heartbreaking stories that hide behind those who walk the "track." It's no wonder that a distorted view of love, family, and safety can produce such a devastating lifestyle. Not to mention a pimp who controls and watches their every move, and the constant fear they live in. But then there are times when I think, "she could leave if she wanted to. We're offering her a new life! Why wouldn't she take it?" It always baffles me when a stranger's car is perceived as a better option. The truth is, when you are living in darkness, the decisions you make are not clearly seen. But as one girl who had been in the life for 16 years told me, "You don't leave the life until you're ready. Nobody convinces you to do it. Something happens, or you're just ready to leave. You have to be ready." My thought always is: hopefully, that moment won't come all too late.

  I am continually learning how to love and serve these women we come into contact to, and strive to be a person of trust and safety for them, in a world that has not been trustworthy or remotely safe. My goal is for them to meet Jesus, find new life in Him, and walk in the light.





*While there are undoubtedly cases of kidnapping for the purpose of sex trafficking, a majority of those we meet are runaways, or come from abusive/neglectful/broken homes, are domestically trafficked, and were recruited through a local mall, school, or even their own neighborhood.

Redeeming Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day, ladies and gentlemen! (As if you didn't already know. I mean, I knew Whitney died within minutes of it being announced just because of Facebook. I'm going to assume that, if you 1) have a Facebook, and 2) don't live under a rock, you are well aware that it is Valentine's Day.)

  I have never liked Valentine's Day. For the record, I have been: single, in a relationship, had my heart broken, started a relationship, and broken someone's heart all on past Valentine's Days (yes, the actual day.) It's difficult sometimes in our society to look at it as "just another day," but I do. First of all, I dislike the marketing scheme behind V-Day, and the imposed guilt: "You'd better get that 'someone special' a gift or they'll think you don't love them!"  WHAT?! Since when has that been an accurate definition of expressing your love for someone? (and I'm not even talking about a romantic relationship, but relationships in general.) While I do understand that for some of us, our love language is receiving gifts. But even that doesn't mean materialism, but rather the thought and love expressed in a gift. (It really is the thought that counts!)

  Growing up, every year on Valentine's Day, my dad would come home with a card & flowers for all of his girls (including my mom), told us how special we were to him, and that he loved us. Was it because it was Valentine's Day? Maybe he took that opportunity to show his love for us in a more obvious way, but I never felt loved or special because of what he did or gave me on that day. My dad, as much as humanly possible, expressed his love to us regularly. And ya know, it wouldn't matter if he skipped a year, because my feeling of security in his love for me was not contingent on what he did for me on Valentine's Day!

  I can't help but think of our heavenly Father, and all the great gifts He gives us! One in particular, being the greatest sacrifice ever made - His Son Jesus. In Him, we have eternal life, and quite frankly, none of us will ever be able to measure up to that! But what an amazing model we have of a perfect Father who gives good and perfect gifts!

  So, it's Valentine's Day. If you have that "someone special," give them a gift today. (Or if you do live under a rock and were unaware that it was Valentine's Day, write them a note.) And tomorrow... do it again. And next week, and the week after...

Sign Your Name. Stand For Freedom.

  January was National Human Trafficking Awareness Month. Now that the month is over, does that mean we stop being aware? Once you are aware of a problem, it's impossible to deny responsibility. We may wish we never knew that sex slavery, slave labor, and human trafficking do not exist in the world, but once we know, we must do something about it. Even if it's using one of the many social networking sites out there to spread the word. Even if it's simply clicking a button. Even if it's just signing your name. You have a voice, and not only that, the option to use it. Speak for those who cannot. Fight for those who are enslaved. Get involved to help end modern-day slavery. While it begins with awareness, it must end in action.

Contradictions

Lies. They're easy to believe if you're vulnerable. Let me let you in on a little secret: if it's not uplifting, encouraging, or life-giving, it's a LIE. If it's driving us away from God, it's not Him talking. I have learned so much doing street outreach to girls who are being prostituted. I am always so surprised at how weak the enemy is with his arguments: "you were born to do this," "you have no other value," "this is and will always be your security," "he really loves you," "you don't deserve any better." I know he thinks he's smart and everything, but if you really think about it, you will realize he's a liar. Asking hard, deep, probing questions, we find out just how much we believe the lies. (I always wish I had a tape recorder to play over some of the conversations I have, to show how many times they've contradicted themselves.) One girl told me she has always been fascinated with this work, and at 7 years old, desired to get into it. Yet also telling me she needed to quit eventually, because it's hard on your body (I added dangerous, and unhealthy). She agreed! Facing the question of why she was "made" to do this, of all things, something that damages you emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually, she couldn't answer. LIES. In reality, without Jesus, we're in darkness. And in darkness, we can't even see the nose in front of our face, and it's only through the Holy Spirit do we know the truth... and nothing else will lead us there.

What is really freakin' cool, and something I've had the privilege of witnessing, is when someone's eyes are opened to the truth, and recognizing the lies once believed, and being able to see God's pursuit through it all! I truly feel as if I am just sitting back and watching God work, and I am reaping the fruit of my labor and prayers. It gives me encouragement to know that every word of truth I speak to those girls, is a seed that is planted, and one day - when they're ready - they will reach out. And if it is my hand they reach for, I will be obedient, love relentlessly, and do whatever it takes to help pursue healing. It really does make it all worth it.

2011 Reflections

Thinking back over the year, I realized a lot has happened. So much change, growth, loss, hope, pain, and joy. I found love, and I lost it. I said goodbye to a brother, and gained a few sisters. I rekindled a passion for music – but it had never really faded. Friendships and family dynamics changed drastically. New vision and dreams were planted. Hopes disappeared into disappointment, but new struggles have changed my perspective… many times. I have learned to take in new experiences, and while sometimes they come with the memory of heartbreak, I appreciate them for what they were, and still appreciate the beauty of them. I've endured training way past any college degree could ever grant me, and with that came boldness, courage, perseverance, and renewed faith in the One who makes all things possible. I have seen people come to Christ, with literally no work on my part - just obedience... and that's pretty awesome! I have built a strong foundation on the One that I am sure nothing could ever tear me down – though it's been tried. I have tried to suffer and love well, and although sometimes I feel like I fail, I certainly learn, and hope to do it better next time. 

One thing I've learned is that Jesus never promised an "easy" life after asking us to pick up our cross and follow Him (shouldn't that be a clue right there? You know what the cross represents, right? death. no surprises there!) But I have come to deeply appreciate the suffering my Savior went through to ensure me eternal life with Him. I have it easy compared to what He went through. Know why? Because I do not face death in the end. In fact, I am promised an eternal, glorious life at the end of this one. And that is only granted to me through the grace of God. I don't think I will ever fully grasp that, and I will spend the rest of my life here trying to. 

Looking into the next year, I have goals, dreams, desires, and hopes, but they are and will be nothing if I am not fully dependent on the One who gives life. To whatever He asks of me, I want to jump into. Never hesitating. Whatever pain I have to face, choices I have to make, people I am called to love, whatever He asks of me, I'm going to do it, knowing that it will be good because He gives us good things, and wants good things for us. That I am sure of. 

The Girls

The girl who's been stabbed. She calls us over and chases us down every time we see her, wanting to share her story and experiences. The girl who looked so young, was barely dressed, freezing cold and scared out of her mind, standing next to a man who neither offered his hand nor his coat. The girl who gave advice on how to help other girls, but would not receive help for herself; who works two other jobs but is admittedly addicted to the money; who has two children and may be pregnant with another. I am still waiting and hoping she will call me. The girl who we see out frequently, who has shared details of her life and past, who has such a sweet personality you'd want to be her friend. The girl with the short skirt and baby face who said she was new and seemed like she was high. The girl who put on a show - blowing kisses and waving to every car that went by. The girl who was so touched when we offered her a gift and prayer, saying no one gives her gifts or prays for her anymore. The girl who stood alone on the corner, surrounded by men; I didn't want to leave; I wanted to protect her. The girl who seemed so normal and put together I had to remind myself the reason she was out. Excited to talk with us, pray with us, set a hangout time with us. She was so young, so beautiful, yet carried around so much pain from her past. The girl whose father just had surgery and she was getting high to forget. The girl with the tattoo that said "My Bitch." The girl who asked for a cigarette that made me wish I carried them just so I could have a few minutes to talk to her. The girl whose family wants her to come home.

The countless girls we don't get to talk to, but see from a distance. the girls who walk away from us, who cross the street just so they don't have to walk past us. 

The ones we see getting into a car before reaching them. I can't describe the feeling I get when that happens.  

The countless girls we don't see.

The countless men we see, searching for girls to buy. 

All of the ones that God sees.