The importance of acceptance

  One article I read recently about a girl who had been trafficked from China to Manhattan made me realize something. She had been offered a job abroad, and ended up in an office - in midtown Manhattan - with strange men, and after they gang raped and beat her, they videotaped her in humiliating poses, and threatened to send the video to her family if she didn't comply to their demands. She was forced into prostitution, and at some point eventually got arrested. The police asked her if she had been trafficked into the country, and she said no. She was afraid if she made it known to the police that she was a victim of any sort, her captors would send the videotape to her family.

  This brings up many things. One: so many times we think of human trafficking happening in and around third-world countries, but the truth is, it happens everywhere. Even America. Two: a myth surrounding the issue of prostitution is the thought that it is the choice of the sex worker to be in that industry. More often than not, that's completely not the case. Many are forced and enslaved. 

  What struck me the most about this story, was that this girl was more afraid of what her family would think of her, than she was of going back to her pimp, and working the streets selling her body for sex, repeatedly raped and probably beaten every single day. I understand that the Asian culture puts a great deal of emphasis on family honor and status, but something has gone wrong when a girl would rather be violated every day than be rescued from that situation, and have her parents know about it.


  Something I found interesting about the children in Romania who had been dumped in the orphanage, was the fact that they still longed to be accepted by family. It didn't matter if they were still in contact with family, or they knew that their parents wanted nothing to do with them, they would jump at the slightest gesture - a phone call, a letter, an invitation to visit. I believe God created us to thrive in community. We were not meant to be isolated. That is why God said when He created Adam that it was "not good for man to be alone." He created the family structure for our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual growth. When that family structure breaks down, we are vulnerable to harm in every area. The good news is that when we accept God, He puts us in a new family! And in that, there is restoration and healing.

  My prayer is that mothers and fathers will realize that their unconditional love and acceptance is more important than reputation. If those girls who ran away from home and are now "working" the streets, knew that their parents loved and accepted them no matter what, and were not going to be made to feel ashamed, they may run back home. Unfortunately, when we are rejected, we tend to look to anyone to feel accepted. And sometimes it's the wrong acceptance.

Human Trafficking & Romania

Romania is one of the poorest countries in eastern Europe, making it fertile ground for human traffickers. Men, women, and children alike are trafficked in Romania for labor & sex trade. According to Romanian police statistics, about 3,000 children disappear each year... just disappear.

All of this information came to me unexpectedly (how did I not think to look up "safe houses in Romania" on Google??) I didn't think there were any, until I stumbled upon a random website via an organization I follow on Twitter. (By the way, I used to think Twitter was utterly ridiculous, and just another way for us to idolize celebrities and boost our American egos by seeing how many people we can get to "follow" our mindless, absurd "tweets".... and I still pretty much think that. But praise God for the networking possibilities of the Internet! A lot of the organizations I do "follow" on Twitter are a big source of where I get my information regarding human trafficking. Now if only I could get 1+ million followers..... JK!)

All this to say, a few days ago, I had no idea if there were any efforts made to prevent human trafficking in Romania via the government, or locals. And then I discover there are laws against trafficking, and there are safe houses! I suppose I'm a few steps behind on the informative scale, but I just see this as another stepping stone towards the amazing plan God has for my life.


And all I can say is, who am I?

Enough

  As I have been thinking and praying about getting more involved in human trafficking and street ministry here in Seattle, the more I begin to wonder... not what I have to offer, because I know what that is! But everything about this concept of human trafficking and selling sex is something that I have been extremely blessed to have had zero experience in! I've always used my personal testimony as a means to minister, and sure I've been through a lot, but is it enough? Is it relatable? Testimony is powerful because of the power of God. Am I saying that's not enough?


  Maybe I am.


  In that case, I should get over myself and allow God to use me and speak through me, and regardless of what I have to say it WILL MATTER because of the power of God. Maybe because the rumors I've heard of girls getting repeatedly beaten and abused, emotionally attached to the men who are pimping them out, are actually true. I'm a hands-on type of person. I want to be out there, where the action is. But I fear the unknown. I don't trust myself not to break down. The cry of injustice is too strong not to react. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it's a significant sign of strength rather than weakness.

Puzzle Pieces

I have moved. Well, technically, I'm looking to move, I have a temporary (amazing!) home that I will be staying in until I can find a more permanent-ish one. The "ish" because no matter what, my sights are continually set on my goal of going to Romania yet again... and possibly not coming back. We all know this. This is not news. What IS news, is that I got a job working as a full-time nanny for a wonderful family in...wait for it...Seattle! What is truly exciting about this is, since the beginning of the year, I have been drawn to get involved in ending human trafficking. Seattle is actually one of the top cities in the country for human trafficking. Interesting how God works in that way. I am super excited to start making connections now that I am located here, and already have!

Here are some links from organizations in the Seattle area helping to prevent human trafficking:

Mars Hill Downtown Campus is hosting a town meeting to raise awareness Oct 19th.
 
New Horizons ministry reaches out to the girls on the streets.

YouthCare provides shelter for homeless youth.

And in the New York area: GEMS

Great resources and ideas on ways to help prevent and raise awareness for human trafficking.

I call these just pieces to the puzzle of my calling here in Seattle... who knows what other connections will come my way!

I left my heart in Romania

Imagine you sponsor a little girl somewhere overseas, and you get to spend three weeks with her, and she was calling you "mother" within days, and never wanted to leave your side. Imagine four amazing, beautiful, sweet teenage girls taking you shopping and swimming, and showing you around a wonderful city in which after seeing it was love at first sight. Imagine the sweetest teenage boys you've ever known whose mother abandoned them, and whose father they barely speak to, begging and literally praying that you wouldn't have to leave. Imagine spending two days with a woman who has been through and seen more than anyone I've ever known, yet is still so loving, caring and generous. Now imagine having to leave all of that, and come back to the stress of finding a job in a terrible economy, and having to find a new place to live within a month.

It hasn't been easy.

And through it all, all I know to do is to focus on Him. No matter what comes up, that is all the direction I'm getting. There is a certain peace that "passes all understanding" that certainly comes and goes, but I am amazed at how I've been handling things. Something I've realized is, if I'm never in need, I wouldn't ever need God. And if I didn't go through challenges, I wouldn't have the opportunity to live out my faith. You know that cliche saying, "everything happens for a reason"? I believe it. And I'm not going to worry, because worry is a lack of trust in God. I know I will go back someday, and see all my beautiful friends and now family that I have there. Until them, they are in my heart and in my prayers every day. 

Wrapping it up

  My last few days in Romania were spent at Casa Otniel, an orphanage outside of Timisoara. I had great conversations with Patricia, the "house mom" for the summertime. I wanted to spend a longer amount of time in Romania to experience the life and culture more, and I got a bigger glimpse of that just through my conversations with her. She told me some crazy stories about some very traumatic things that happened to her, including witnessing a baby being stolen! And for them, it's life. It's not normal, but it happens. We take our freedom and rights for granted here, not understanding how hard our fathers before us had to work to get it that way. I had a couple of people tell me they notice Americans smile a lot. Being under oppression for so long, Romanians had nothing to smile about, and even still the life is hard for some. The older kids I asked what they wanted to do after they leave the orphanage, most all of them said they want to "find a job, make money." There are little opportunities for them, and if they do get the chance to go to college, it's not gonna help them find a better job. So many I talked to wanted to move out of the country. Go to Ireland, France, Spain, and "find work," and were shocked when I told them I wanted to live in Romania some day. "Stay in America, it's better for you." They couldn't believe that going to Romania was a dream of mine, when coming to America is such an unattainable one for most of them.

  Life is sometimes hard there, yes. But I also witnessed joy, compassion, and generosity, and I know those who are obedient to the Lord's voice are richly blessed with the things that matter.

Casa Dorca

  Casa Dorca is an orphanage in Prilipet, a village about an hour away from Resita. I got to spend time with my "adopted" brothers there. From my time there last year, I was instantly drawn to these amazing kids. They show such a pure integrity and compassion of heart that I know comes through a genuine relationship with God. I instantly felt at home with them, and fell in love with them all over again. There are mostly all pre-teen to teenagers at Casa Dorca, and though they occasionally get in fights like any normal family would, you can tell they truly care about one another. I was very impressed by how the older boys treated the younger children. They are excellent role models, and I am so proud of them! I was so blessed to spend the whole week with them... I already miss them though. It was very hard to leave!

  After a week with them, I accompanied them to their camp for just one day. As the day went on, I felt like God was speaking to me about a spirit of depression and loneliness among some of the kids in the camp. After conversations I had, and observations I made, I felt like I should speak with Charlie, the leader of the camp, about it. We prayed together, and then later that night he had me share with the whole group what was on my heart. I also sang a song and played the piano after much coaxing from the kids.

  Charlie had mentioned to me before that when people come to visit the orphanages, and then don't come back, it's almost like the children are being abandoned all over again. I hope that even though I don't live with them permanently, that I will have made even a small difference in their life, and that the fact that I came back a second time to see them means I truly care about them.

Not your ordinary trip to Costco

  My week in Timisoara was almost like a vacation... we walked around the center, went shopping (still haven't find those perfect white shoes to go with that summer dress I bought), went swimming, and just umm... relaxed a lot. It's so against my nature to feel unproductive. I can't do it. I think I might be addicted to busy-ness... is that a real thing?? I think so. Especially for Americans. But I think it's funny that I came here for ministry purposes, and God decides to give me a rest. I know He did a lot in my heart during that time, but at the time it was quite frustrating. The last day I was there however, I met a group of people from Germany who come every year and buy groceries and supplies for Casa Sperantie and Casa Otniel, and I was able to help them out with that. Growing up in a family of 6, my mom went to Costco once a month and stocked up. This trip to a Romanian-esque Costco was nothing like that! At one point, I found myself pushing a cart full of frozen chickens. I was very amused by the looks I got. I just kept laughing to myself.. which probably made me look even more crazy. 

  At Casa Otniel, it was such a joy to watch the children unload the goods, and see the looks on their faces at all the food they knew was for them! Even though I only had a small part in helping out, it was a tremendous feeling to be apart of that. It made it all worth it.

Saying Goodbye

I am a little behind on blogging, but I will try to catch you up...

  It seems like so long ago now, but it's only been a week since I left the Emmaus kids behind in Bogata. I look at their pictures way too often, and feel like they are so far away, even though it's only a 6-hr (less than pleasant) train ride away, whereas when I go home it will be..... much further than that! I pretty much miss them all, but the Tamas family sticks out in my mind....

  Anna with her beautiful features and maturity that goes beyond her 12 years...Lati (pronounced lot-SEE) is a kind of a shepherd to the younger ones, Eszther says. He seems very genuine, and different from the older boys who try to act "cool"... and Katalin (Kati) is so full of love, and God bless her but she would always try to talk to me in Hungarian and I couldn't understand a word! Misi (MEE-she) has grown up so much, I can tell he is more mature, and even though he still picks on the younger children a lot, I know he has a good heart and wants to do good. He was answering a lot of Bible questions, and I am encouraged by his spiritual insight. Erszi I called her "my baby girl." Spending 3 weeks with her, I often wondered what her deep eyes have seen, and what goes on inside that little head of hers. I loved it when she smiled at me, her smile was so precious. Anti was my favorite (besides Bernie of course!) I was so happy to see him smile and laugh and even joke around with me... last year his eyes and face showed no emotion. All the older boys loved him a lot and it was good to see he is being taken very good care of! Bernadette is hilarious. She was always falling tripping, falling out of cars, she would fall when she was sitting on my lap! She was a ball of energy and totally and completely-- I don't even have the word! I love her little giggle, and when she spoke - even if it wasn't that often - and when I would hold her hand while we were walking somewhere and every 10 seconds she would lag behind and I would have to tug at her arm because she got distracted by something on the street. I loved when I would come into her room every night to say goodnight, we would snuggle and she called me "anya" ("mother" in Hungarian). There are so many other things I loved about her...

  When I was saying goodbye to them, they were hugging and kissing me and telling me not to cry... which of course made me cry even more! I know better than to make promises, but I know in my heart I will see them again. And I will continue to pray for them, and little Ilona who will join them at Emmaus in September!

Thank you Jesus

This week we are in Praid (or Prajd), in the salt mines. I am amazed that Romanians would pay 40 lei (which equals about $12 which is nothing for us, but 40 lei on their income is a lot) for an indoor playground and exercise program, which is basically just stretching for one hour. I thought it would be more of a tourist attraction or museum of some sort, but no. Lots of swings, see-saw's, ping-pong tables and open spaces to play. And big bouncy toys and mazes, but for pay! It's kinda funny.

I have learned a lot about myself, the Lord, and a little bit of Hungarian! I am going to have to start making a list of every time I say "thank you, Jesus" for the littlest things...

This morning, I woke up later on purpose, so I could shower while the children were eating breakfast. One bathroom for 27 kids! You think sharing with your roommate or family is hard?? Try that. I came out of my room - another "thank you Jesus" moment, I was provided my own room! - and Eszter asks me if I would like to use her shower in her room. That little thing made my day! It was nice and clean, as opposed to the children's, as you can imagine. I just love how God shows me He is looking out for me, and cares about the littlest things.

It's going to be hard to leave these kids, I will have been with them basically non-stop for 3 weeks when I leave on Monday, but I am excited to see my friends in Timisoara. They speak good English, which it is a shame that none of the children speak good enough English to have in-depth conversations. I want to know their struggles and how to pray for them, and encourage them. I will let my prayers be enough, and pray for the spiritual mothers and fathers who will and are walking alongside them.

Another "thank you Jesus" moment: thank you Jesus for giving me a place to hideaway from the children and write and upload pics without little faces crowding me. Amen.

Until next time I have Internet, szia (pronounced: SEE-ya... pretty easy to remember!)

Reflections/funeral/Ilona

The vacation Bible school camp the LCC group put together. First of all, I was very impressed by them. Such a great group of (mostly women!) who have such big hearts and a love and passion for Jesus. I was very blessed for that to be my first week here. They were a big encouragement.

I am also very encouraged by a couple of the children who I remember from last year to be... somewhat difficult. Those were the ones who were excitedly answering Bible questions, and just the sweetest kids ever! I know that God has a special grace for me to be in this place, because feelings of discouragement from last year are being replaced with hope!

Some bad news, but also good in some way, is that Bernadette's grandmother passed away. The good part of that is that I am grateful to be here for her during this time, even if she may not understand completely what is going on. I hope that she will have memories of happiness with me while all this is going on.Her siblings loved her dearly and also seemed to be the one taking the most care of them during their home visits, so I am afraid for what may happen to them in the home when they go back to visit their family on holidays. I entrust them to God, and pray... that is all I can do.

The good news is that my little girl Ilona, Bernie's sister, will be in the orphanage in September! I have been praying for this little girl for over a year now, and the other day saw her smiling and laughing and playing with me! I am so thankful that God has kept her safe for this long, and even more excited that she will find a home at Emmaus with her siblings!

First Week

So almost a week in Romania! VBS has been going great. I am really impressed with the LCC (Lighthouse Christian Church) who put it all together. I have had many memories of my vacation Bible school experiences. These kids are having lots of fun and learning about God at the same time! We've had some really special times with the kids, and I already feel attached. It will be hard to leave eventually, but I know God will give me the grace to do it.


Bernadette (Bernny, as they call her) is pretty much attached to my hip, and it's hard to even go to the bathroom without her wanting to follow me! Her little brother, Antal (Anti) is such a cutie! It's so good to see him smile and laugh and play, since the last time I saw him, he was living with his parents and he barely acknowledged our presence and cameras. I hope I can get pictures uploaded soon, they are both adorable and I am so happy and priviledged to be with them here.

There is so much already that I can share, but one important thing I would like prayer for is health. A couple of people from our team have gotten really sick. I haven't been feeling 100%, but nothing serious. Just pray that I will be kept healthy throughout my stay. They all leave on Saturday (Friday night for my friends in America), and I stay on. I am in His hands, and He is in control. That is what I am sure of.

Something cool God showed me today - I had been praying for physical and mental healing for some of the children, and as I was doing my devotions today, and going over my notes that my wonderful friends had written for me, I noticed that anytime healing was mentioned, it was synonomous with love. "God's healing through LOVE." I realized that love is a powerful thing, especially when we are portraying God's love. I know that healing is not about me, it's about the children, and if God wants to heal them physically, I am open to however He wants to use me in that regards. But what He is calling me to do right now, is to LOVE them - even if they are laughing and goofing off in the bathroom at 11 o'clock at night when we are trying to sleep! And through that, God will do the rest.

I'm praising God that I am able to write you all! I feel like it's been weeks since I left, so much has happened! I think when I get back to the Emmaus Home, my schedule will be more structured. Then again, plans change constantly and oftentimes I find out what I will be doing the day before... or 5 minutes before! I have to remember we're on "Romania time" it's different than American, and clocks are almost obsolete - I'm not kidding!

Much love from Chariti (and Bernny)

I'm here!

Well, I made it to Romania safe and sound... what an adventure! From the taxi drive who spoke no English to walking around the city looking for a decent place to eat, I finally made it. Last night was my first night staying at the Emmaus Home. I have my own room with an extra bed, so I wonder if Bernadette will be sneaking in sometimes to sleep with me! Some of the boys made me braceletes out of yarn. I feel accepted already! Today we go to pick up the rest of the children from visiting their families. I get to see Bernadette, or Berny as they call her, and her other siblings. The team from Chucks church is amazing. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people in my first week.



I am trying to learn Hungarian, but oh my gosh... its not easy. Lets just leave it at that.

Living in the orphanage, I know I will be seeing a lot. My prayer request would be that I would be discerning enough to know what is a legitimate need, and what is simply a luxury. Shower curtains, for example may be nice and something I take for granted, but they dont seem to care. Soap and toilet paper however, are much more of a necessity. Thank you Jesus for putting it on my mind to bring my own!! I know I could be staying at a hotel, or even sleeping on Eszthers couch, but I would not have it any other way. I will be living just a few short weeks what they have lived almost every day of their lives, and I am priviledged to see just a glimpse into their lives.

Vacation Bible school camp starts Tuesday! Pray that the childrens hearts are open to Jesus during this time.

Love from Romania and Emmaus,

Chariti

Bigger Than Me

  I've known since I was a teenager that I would always be apart of something great. My name would never be known - which is completely OK with me! - but a movement, or force, or whatever you want to call it, would be in motion and I would have a big part in that movement. I've known since I was a little girl that I have a DESTINY and an incredible calling on my life. (BTW, everyone has an incredible calling on their life, and if you are feeling like you don't, or are feeling worthless, then you are being LIED to!) Something bigger than me. God has been revealing more and more to me that it's really all about Him - that I am just a willing vessel. I've always been a bit overwhelmed with all of that... I mean, I'm just one little person, how can all this come from me? From a "yes"? But it's very evident that God has had a plan for my life from the get-go (Jer. 29:11)

  A group of close friends came together to pray specifically for me and this trip, and a reocurring theme was that God was going to bring healing through me. It was a confirmation of something that had been stirring in my heart already, and it was so exciting to hear again and again the word "healing" come out through others' prayers. God has revealed to me specific faces of children that are under the influence of dark spiritual forces, who He wants to deliver from that. The orphanage that I will be going to has a lot of children with mental & physical disabilities, and I believe that God wants to pour out His healing on that place! And again - it's so not about me, but what He wants to do through me. He's had a heart for these kids before they were even in existence... before even the world was in existence! And it just amazes me that He wants me to be apart of this. Apart of their destiny.

With a simple "yes"

  I haven't written in a while because I have been left speechless.

  Just looking at the pictures of the kids from last year's trip makes my heart skip a beat. I am going to be with them for 5 weeks!!!!! That is a long enough time to establish relationship, and certainly enough time for me to get attached and not want to come back. That is a given, but to say that I am prepared for that is a stretch.

  I am speechless because I am so amazed at what God can accomplish with a simple "yes". From the day I said "yes" to God, my life has changed and I have had the amazing opportunity to touch other people's lives. God desires to encounter us and for us in turn to show others His love and mercy. What a priviledge to be a messenger of that love. And not only that, but to see people's lives change right before your eyes - I love that! I have faith that miracles WILL happen there. Not so that I can be looked at as some super spiritual person, but because I KNOW that God wants to do it! All because I live my life saying YES to Jesus. Whatever it is, yes I will do it!

  I am prepared for God to stretch me. I am also prepared for Him to change me. It always happens when I set out to serve someone, I always get blown away by how much I get blessed. I want to see people set free, healed, and touched by the love of Jesus. I want Him to change me from the inside out. Even more than He already has.

  Would you please join me in prayer that God will soften the hearts of people enough for them to let Him touch them? Will you pray that they will say "yes" to the move of God. Would you ask Him to till the soil so that it will be ready for the Holy Spirit to come in and grow the seeds I will plant!

It's Official!

  Plane ticket to Romania is BOUGHT. I am officially going! Trip is from the middle of June until end of July! I will be working with the Emmaus Home in Bogata, which is in the northern part of Romania. Where they, might I add, speak Hungarian which is completely different from Romanian! I would rather stick to Romanian because I am actually able to read Romanian (that's half-way there to being fluent right??).... but hopefully I'll pick up a lot while I'm there!

  To be honest, I'm still so apprehensive about the whole thing. I will not have a phone and probably very minimal Internet use. I don't like being out of touch with family and close friends. They are what ground me. Another thing is this is the exact orphanage that was at the very bottom of my list to go back to! The need there was very overwhelming and I left very heavy-hearted for the children there and felt like we didn't make a difference. Of course that is a lie from the enemy. And I know that I am making a difference in Bernadette's life by sponsoring her, praying for her, and writing her. It's gonna take a lot of Jesus and His strength to sustain and encourage me. I feel like I took a big step of faith by even considering going back (although that was a given!) and am taking an even bigger one by actually doing it!

  When I found out for sure that this would actually happen, I was thanking God, but even before I could finish the thought, I felt Him say, "No thank YOU - I had the money lined up all along. You were just willing." There is so much need in the world! And let my life be a personal testimony to you, that money or time should never hinder you from your calling. If the Lord is calling you to do something that you're passionate about, He will accomplish it - if you are willing! The "harvest is plentiful but the workers are few." - Matt. 9:37

Kidstown Charity Auction

I am excited to help put together a charity auction for Kidstown! Please consider this your official invitation! While we have been given many generous donations, including sports/event tickets, salon/spa features, restaurant gift certificates, X-boxes, music lessons, free nights at hotels, we still need more donations! Anything you could contribute would be great, or any ideas you have from attending other auctions. If you've been reading my blog, you know what a great organization Kidstown is. But beyond all of that, my heart is to touch the orphans in some way. We all have spheres of influence and connections, and even if you personally don't have items to donate, be thinking about people you know who do, and who would love to donate to a wonderful and legitimate cause.

You can contact me directly at chariti.smith@yahoo.com

Wine Tasting Kidstown Charity Auction

A Love for the Lost

So while I was in Romania, I found it very easy to love the children who had been abandoned, some beaten, some physically and mentally disabled, some not so cute! I loved them all. It was easy. However, visiting some of the parents of these precious children, I found it very difficult to feel the same love for them. And then I realized Jesus loves the orphans just as much as he loves the parents who abandoned or even abused them. Then I wondered how could He! It was very difficult for me to love them through my exreme anger for them. The Jesus that hung on the cross for those children was the same Jesus that hung on the cross for their parents who left them. In the same way, Jesus died for the victims of rape, abuse, hate crimes, theft, and countless other crimes as well as their perpetrators. Who is like this God?!? I started asking God to show me how HE sees these people. All I saw was evil. I couldn't understand. And I can't even explain it now... it's one of those mysteries that God works in your heart that while it's happening you don't realize until it's all over and you think "Wow, my heart has completely changed in this area!" It could only be God, but my heart has changed towards the parents. I have forgiven them. Even if their children never will, I have begun to see them as God sees them - blinded, chained, lost. They need as much help as their children do.

Facing Your Fears

When I went to Romania, one of the things I experienced was an overwhelming sense of discouragement. I saw so much need there. I am only one person. How could I make a difference?? There was one orphanage in particular - the Emmaus Home - that had the most mentally and physically disabled children than any of the others we visited. There were also a lot of younger (4-7 year old) children there. I am more drawn to the younger children that age anway. But the need that I saw was so great, I was just so overwhelmed. It was a little more than I could handle...

...but God doesn't give us more than we can handle, right?

So I basically left knowing (*thinking) I would definitely not like to go back to that one, thank you. It's just too hard. There is too much need. Emotionally, I can't handle it.

Funny how God works.

The very orphanage I wanted to stay away from... the last one I would go back to, is the same one I am being sent to. Interesting. How come it's never the easy path?? The one that's lit very well, with no bends or curves so that you can see 5 miles down what the journey is going to look like?? WHY can't it be that one again?? Ohhhh right, because God wants us to trust Him, and the path that looks like the right one (or just the one we'd rather take) might be good and all, but not the best. After all, everything we do should ultimately be for God's glory.

Lately, I've kind of felt like Moses did when God asked him to speak to Pharaoh, and Moses' reply was "take my brother Aaron, he is a better speaker than I am." But Moses missed the point. God wanted to show Himself powerful through a weak human. So back to me... I have no idea why God would send me somewhere that would've been my very last choice. All I know is that for whatever the purpose is, He wants to prove Himself strong in my shortcomings, and whatever work He wants to do in me is only so that His glory may be revealed.

All this to say, from where I stand right now, I have no idea if I will even make it to Romania this year. But I serve a God who does. I also serve a God whose timing is perfect.

destiny...calling...trust.

Today was a crazy emotional day like the ones girls tend to have. Only this time, it definitely wasn't hormones. God has been working in my heart a lot the last couple of days. You see, there's this little trip this summer that I would really like to take, in an obscure European country called Romania that my very being has inexplainably fallen in love with. And today, with people who are going this summer, I shared a little bit of my heart for Romania, and some stories of my experiences there. Of course, I couldn't get through it without crying a little. What is crazy is that I met a person today who, about 2 minutes after meeting me, says to me, "You have an incredible calling on your life," and with tears in her eyes, "I am so honored to meet you!" I was completely blown away. I have never had a complete stranger speak (not even pray - just speak!) less than 4 sentences to me, that touched my very core so deeply. She was an amazing woman of God, and spoke with such wisdom and discernment that I felt so completely comfortable around her, and instantly drawn to her. Everything she said was confirmation of what God has been speaking to me for the last several years. And what I've been learning is that there is nothing I can do to "mess up" the plans He has for me! There's no wrong choice, or missed chance that could ever happen to deter me from the path that will lead me to my destiny. I am called by God! I have been chosen. My fear that I may not make it to Romania this year, is not from God. If God wants me there, it will happen... if it's not the right time, He'll close the door. Giving my desires back to Him is the hardest thing I've ever had to do! It's a whole new level of trust.

Whatever God has in store for my future, it's got to be amazing if even a perfect stranger can see it!

Kidstown

Kidstown is the organization I went to Romania with in spring of 2009. It is Christian-based and they run orphanages in Romania, India, and Nepal. The way I got connected with them is a fun story I love to tell.

In summer of 2008, I had moved back to the Seattle area from living in NYC for 5 years. (That's a whole other story!!) Staying with my dad until I got back on my feet, I was on my way out to go to work when my dad's wife was having a get-together for her 30th reunion with all of her old friends. My dad introduced me to the group, and one lady asked me if I was planning on going back to New York, or what I wanted to do. I had a heart for Romania since I was very young, but in my last year in NYC, God had been stirring my heart again towards it, which led me to move back to WA. I mentioned that I wanted to work in orphanages in Romania, and she goes, "oh really? Well you should talk to him!" and points to one of the other friends' husbands. Long story short, we got to talking, and he ended up inviting me on his next trip to Romania. The rest is history.

The context behind this story is what I love the most. #1: When I left my home here, I never ever wanted to come back. Of course to visit; my family was here, and so it would always be my "home," but it would never be home again. #2: My last 6 months in NYC I could not hold a steady job, and although I wanted to finish up my semester at school, it became harder and harder to live there, and the harder I tried to hold on, the more I was losing my grasp. In a way, I feel like I was forced out of New York, but I realize now that God had to make it difficult for me or else I would have kept trying to make it work! #3: The way I thought about it, I had many options of where I could move to. I have friends and family all over that would have, and did offer to take me in. When I did decide on going back to WA where my immediate family was "just for a little while" until God showed me the next step, staying with my dad was a huge challenge for me. I think it's always a little difficult when you've been on your own for so long, and then move back in with the 'rents. There's bound to be some conflict. It was definitely a time of... uh... character building. But if I wasn't staying there, I would've never ran into Chuck and... who knows! God did. I knew as a drove to work that night, that I was right where I belonged. Although it was difficult for me for many reasons, He had confirmed it in my heart.

And that is how I got connected with Kidstown. There are so many other details that delight me because of the intricacy how God works. But until next time... please keep me in your prayers! And be open to the Lord's leading. It may not look how you want it to look, but God speaks and will gently lead you down the right path.

http://www.kidstown.org/front_page.php
http://apps.facebook.com/causes/394835/97648312?m=ab445bc4

The Waiting Period

That is where I am right now! I would love to spend this summer in Romania. It looks almost impossible right now. I do not in any way have the finances for it, and there are a few other things that need to be worked out that aren’t quite coming together as perfectly as I would have hoped.

A few months ago, I was seeking God about my future. At 9 years old, He gave me the desire to go to Romania and work with orphans. As a child, when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always reply confidently, “a missionary.” There was never a doubt in my mind that I was going to travel to Romania and minister to children there. I’ve felt that way ever since. So in my time of prayer, I felt God say to me to give my desire to go to Romania over to Him. My first reaction was “that’s a little ridiculous, You gave it to me!” But I realized it was taking precedence over everything else in my life – not making any kind of commitments or future plans that would tie me down, and hesitating to establish any new relationships because I didn’t know when I would have to say goodbye. God wanted to open my eyes to the work He wanted me to accomplish here, in the place He put me in… for such a time as this. I also realized that nothing I did could ever hinder His will for me to go there! If I was in obedience to God in any big decision I was making, He would eventually lead me to the place my heart desired.

All that to say…

I may not make it to Romania this year. And that needs to be ok. If only I could see the big picture, not the pieces I am looking at now that don’t make sense, I would not hesitate to trust. His timing is perfect. While planning for the future is good, Jesus wants me to live in the now. What does He have for me today? I have to remind myself of that literally every day.

So, where does that leave me? Confused? Yes. Frustrated? You bet. Resting in His peace? Always. Having joy in every circumstance is a choice. Does that mean we go around smiling and happy all the time, and never being down in the dumps every once in awhile because we have the “joy of the Lord”? Absolutely not. It’s a daily challenge, but God has given me the ability to be joyful in all of my circumstances, and praise Him whole-heartedly even if they’re not what I would like them to be! Even if it is resting in the knowledge that God is good and worthy to be praised.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFdeOT3lzqc

Introduction

I like to think of this blog as a combination of my heart for Romania, and my newfound passion for writing. If you are wondering what "Culori vibrante" means, I'll save you the trouble of googling it and let you in on the secret. It is Romanian for "vibrant colors." A little over a year ago, God gave me a vision for Romania. While visiting this country in the spring of 2009, I realized that Romania is full of picturesque countrysides, gorgeous architecture, and beautiful people inside and out. But the world - more specifically Europe's - view of Romania is tarnished by its history of communism that plagued its people for 40 years. In many ways, the people are still influenced by their history, but I believe that one day, they will rise up and truly become the people that God created them to be. And that is where my vision comes in.

Isaiah 58:11 says "The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen our frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." After God gave me that scripture, He gave me a picture of a garden full of beautiful flowers. A garden and spring nourishes and blesses everything around it, bringing life and color. And that was a picture of what God wanted me to be - a garden, a symbol of life. Bringing God's love and joy to the people of Romania. That was not just to me specifically, for as Christians, we are all supposed to bring the love of God to all corners of the world. It was more an encouragement that although the world looks at Romania as being bleak and colorless, God will bring restoration and healing, and I will have just a small part in that process.

He has showed me a lot of other things that I will save for future entries. For now, thank you for reading this, and please follow me!